I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
