I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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