I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
