You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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