I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
