I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
