party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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