Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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