So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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