I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
