I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
