Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
