I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
