Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
