I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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