I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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