kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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