It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
