Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
