FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
