The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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