DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
