The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
