The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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