I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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