I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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