I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
