then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
