Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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