how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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