i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
