He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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