You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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