This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They took my balls.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
