I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
