It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
