Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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