I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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