I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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