I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
