I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drunk is not a location!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
God, I missed his penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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