it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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