3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
