Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
