.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
