which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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