Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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