Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
