Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
