i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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