3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
