I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
