that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
