remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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