Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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