Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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