i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
