wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
