Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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