if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
