i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
