Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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