would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
