Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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