The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
