He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
