Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
