distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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