i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
